At a loss for words

A friend of mine whose son goes to day-care, and is the same age as Noah, tells me that he constantly gets  bite at school.  I joke around with her that they need to put a muzzle on that kid.  Well now it is my kid doing the biting.  Yesterday I got some news that was hard to swallow, not only because it is disturbing, but because it also causes you to doubt yourself as a parent.  

My father picked up Noah from school because I was feeling under the weather and wanted to come home, lay and on the couch and do nothing.  He calls me last night and tells me that they had to file an accident report yesterday because Noah bite 2 people.  One was his teacher and the other was a student who he caused to bleed.  I was shocked because that is not like him, he isn't an aggressive kid. However, the day before this happened, he bite me so hard it left a black and blue on my leg.  I screamed because I was stunned.  I scared him and he started to cry.  I told him "no bite" but didn't give him a time out. I definitely thinks he needs time outs when he doesn't listen, but seeing as this was his first time doing it, I didn't want to punish him.  I think redirecting him, getting him to "use his words" and talking to him is more useful then having him sit in the corner.  When he throws his food on the floor he wants attention and to get a rise out of Mike and I, but when he bites, I feel like he is frustrated and doesn't know how to communicate...so why would I punish him for that?

I called his school first thing this morning to discuss what happened.  His teacher came on the phone and explained everything to me.  She said she thought he pinched her, but when she lifted up her shirt, there was a bite mark.  As far as the other child who was bite, she explained to me that she thinks Noah is feed up with the other kids pushing him around and taking his toys.  He gets very agitated when the other kids get too close to him and he plays by himself alot lately.  She also said she wanted to talk to Mike and I about what is going on at home.  I told her that he rarely bites, sometimes when we are horsing around, but the other day he bite me.

After hearing all this I start to ask myself "Are we doing something wrong?" I have no idea how to react when kids take his toys or when he takes theirs.  Part of me thinks, if it is theirs, then Noah should give it back.  But then again, if Noah is playing with it, they need to wait their turn.  I am second guessing myself  on everything and its not a good feeling.  Mike and I are shaping and molding this little person, and now more then ever this has become evident to me.  EVERYTHING affects them.  I mean, just the other day I was looking up something on Yahoo answers and decided to type in Caillou (which is the cartoon Noah is obsessed with) I was shocked as to how many people had questions about that show.  One question was "do you think Caillou is an annoying spoiled brat?"  It discussed how he always whines in the show and is never disciplined by the parents.  He is mean to his little sister and always has to get his way.  One lady said she wont let her child watch it any more because her kid started whining and saying no all the time. Part of me started to question whether I should be letting Noah watch this.  And then part of me thought "the kid in the show is 4.....what 4 year old DOESN'T whine and say no all the time"  I think the way the parents respond to Caillou is very important though. The don't punish him, but talk to him and explain things.  That is something I want to be able to do with Noah....not just tell him  "no" and to get over it, but to really listen to him.

So with all that said, I am just very upset, not with Noah for biting kids at school, but just at the whole situation.  I try my hardest to be a good parent and role model to him and I wonder sometimes if its not enough.  I know sometimes kids bite and maybe I a making a bigger deal over it then I need to be, but I cant help it.  When it comes to my son, everything is a big deal to me.

*I pondered on what the title of this blog should be for about 15 minutes and could not come up with anything clever or witty, I was simply at a loss for words.